waahh.. 30th Mar 04.. went to JB.. hehee.. dunno why but was feeling vewi excited when we were on our way.. guess its been a long time since i took a long long break.. ;D well.. but promised tat after all the eating and shopping and playing.. gotta start studyin le...
managed to get 2 tops, a skirt (all in the theme of maturity, i think... hehee.. ) and a new wallet (tats pink!!).. hehee ;D and not forgetting mi 2 DVDs: 'In America' and 'Mona Lisa Smile'.. yay!~ so happy!~
then, we ( = major, ziyi, siew pei and mi!! ) had a great dinner!~
well.. going a bit nuts wif all that shopping.. can't seem to stop.. sp aso.. vewi excited.. and she kept thinkin abt the teman negara trip after exams!! mi aso vewi excited... go hiking ye!~ i hope i wun be too unhealthy then~~
29th.. had hexis rehearsal.. jason and cheelip were acting out for mi how i shud be drunk.. hehee they vewi farnie~~ but i guess the tips were vewi useful.. i nvr knew it wud be so hard to act like a drunk woman... but the weirdest thing was.. i had a splitting headache after rehearsal ended.. its like some hangover.. geez.. *scary*~
now its 31st.. hehee.. today's Ben's bday oh... remembered he had to tell mi his bday was a day before April Fools' which makes him a joker.. haha~ Oh no!! 1st April!! i havent prepared anything!! *snigger snigger* ;D
time for bed now.. 3:16am....
nite nite~~ ^-^
*~~ReAcHiNg ThE FiNaL LaP~~*
*~ sOmE tHiNgS NvR cHaNgE, nO mAtTeR hOw MuCh TiMe hAs pAsSeD... ~*
hehee.. happy level kept at 8 over 10! ^-^ hope can maintain it this way.. altho lil things still get on mi nerves.. like mommi always complaining abt ridiculous things.... and comin back to hall finding mi room smells of GINGER!~ argh.. ;P in fact i juz found the gals' toilet smelling of the same thing!! eek!!~
Saturday(27th March) was nice.. was out wif suming and diana for dinner.. i tried bi bim bap a 2nd time at the food court at suntec.. hehe.. :D then we rushed off to New Asia Bar (on the 71st storey of Westin) to get a drink at 1/2 price before 9pm.. no cover charge either.. cool~~ nice place.. hehee.. and going up up up in the lift was fun! ;D mi had a coco loco.. (suggested by min min) cos im realli a "knowing-nothing-abt-alcohol"... it was icy~~ and chocolatey~ hehee~~ well.. we chatted and all.. been a long time since i met them up..
i finally passed min min her bday present after like MORE THAN A MONTH!! geez~~ *sowwi*
the nite went by quickly.. but left a sweet and happy feeling.. wish i could juz meet 'em up more often~ seems like meeting mi sec sch frens is the best therapy to mi erratic mood swings and "going-mad" tendancies~~ guess being wif 'em kinda brings mi bac to the most carefree days of mi life i guess..
*hUgS* to min min and di~~ thanx for ur love~ :)
oh.. i saw Ayumi's concert DVD commercial on tv todae.. omg...! she's realli amazing!! tink i muz get mi hands on a copy of that concert!! ;D
*~ tmr got test ne!! ~*
*~ how to deal....? ~*
have u ever experienced those times
when u feel realli sad and needa cry
but the tears juz wun flow
have u aso gone thru those days
where u wish to feel happy
but the tears juz wun stop flowing
the mood you've put yourself in doesnt help at all...
it worsens everything you try to do
everything no matter how little
juz seems to be going wrong
you're an actor
but half the time u're so busy acting happy
you can't get into your role...
you've got to study
but ur eyes are so tired from all that crying
you juz cant read...
how to make it all better...
how to make it go away...
how am i to deal with it...
*~ whoever saves one life.. saves the world in time... ~*
got this sad feeling ever since i finished watching Schindler's List last nite.. was a film in 1993.. (when i was in P6!!) reminds mi of when I read "Federick" back in secondary sch.. and those war poems and war movies we had to read and watch during literature classes.. :P
oh!! and also tat time when i had to visit Kranji War Memorium on some sch trip.. dunno why i burst out into tears then... i remembered wanting to go visit the place once a yr juz to pay mi respects to the dead warriors.. but i din keep mi word :( *notti*
ahh!~ can't seem to get rid of that solemn feeling.. so i guess i juz gotta not think abt it...
anywaes, its realli good and worth a watch yah!
yay!~ todae finally started studying... finished one chapter of notes and one tutorial for tat chapter.. feelin realli good abt it! hahaa :D i can't believe how much doing FYP has made mi miss studying!!~ gotta realli keep it up man...
how ah.. got bad habit of eating while studying.. eating sorta gives me momentum to read i think.. i will like read as fast as i chew.. *weird* and i guess it stops mi from being distracted by other stuff too.. like ehh.. updating journal?? :P
*~~before i sleep....~~*
*~cHeRRikO's eFFeCt~*
** tough weekend **
juz went thru a vewi long and tiring weekend...
having fyp report to do but still cant get into the mood..
plus a big fight wif mi sis and her hubby...
and a frenship seemingly turning awkward...
rehearsal after rehearsal...
soccer fans making alot of noise in tv room downstairs..
im glad the week is starting.. time's running out but that wud push mi harder i hope.. hahaa~ and to make things better, i've gotta have mi cup of hot chocolate ~~~ :D
*ganbatte ne cherriko-san!*
~*oH... tHe sUn iS sO LoVeLy*~
i was sitting at Orange Julius this afternoon.. thinkin abt things.. hehee.. i used to feel sorry for William Hung after he first appeared for auditions on American Idol, thinkin he had become a global laughing stock.. until he appeared once again as a guest star on yesterdae's ep of A.I. Then i realised its not as i thot.. his modesty, innocence and faith has taken him much further than had expected. He said "now I'm able to touch more pple's hearts". It made me understand tat you need only to be yourself, to be real and honest with your feelings to reach out to others beyond the surface.
why issit so hard to be honest with my thots and feelings. I guess its the culture that teaches us to be responsible for everything we do and say, & being afraid to bear the consequences, we very often prefer to stay in our comfort zone.
cheRRikO sometimes takes over and relieves me of all the accumulated pressure and suppressed feelings while convincing cheryl to believe all tat was said and done were of good faith. "i have alredi done mi best & i've no regrets.." ;D
i shall take into mi stride whatever there is to come.
hahaa i cant believe how comfortable it can be juz sitting in the open, feeling the warmth from the sun and letting the wind blow my hair across mi face while drinking peach smoothie ... >_<
*~eVeRy FaLL sHaLL OnLi mAkE uS sTrOnGeR~*
How do I let go and let the tears flow...
Let me bury the pain deep inside my heart...
Where it shall nvr be forgotten...
But it will nvr be felt again...
************************************
why's she so silly? she knows darn well he's not worth it but she still hangs around in case one day he might need her by his side?
for now, she can onli feel happy knowing he's happy.. its her onli form of consolation...
*~9 days and counting down!!~*
waahh.. fyp report due on 20th.. hehee :P~
gotta jia you more liao.. kinda worried cos dunno how to do nice nice report..
still got DS lab.. waahh its horrible... why oh why!! keep spending so much time in lab.. but getting nuttin done.. argh!~ oh but luckily theres a cute french guy tat goes to lab too.. ;) -- "winking="
there's always so much to do but so little time.. din realise onli got 9 days left for report till ben mentioned during hexis wor... im losing track of time.. dun even dare to check the calendar... hexis aso in a mess.. tink jave thinks too highly of mi "well-suited" role.. and hardly gives mi any comments.. *sigh* i dun actualli know everything leh.. liddat gonna anyhow anyhow liao lo.. ;P
feelin quite happy todae cos todae weather nice nice..this morning when i woke up it was actualli really sunny.. but cloudy too? hehee
right now (4.14am) altho still abit cold but had a hot cup of swiss miss choco sensation which was SUPER DUPER good!!~ *slurp*
if can sit in bed, wrap miself up wif mi comforter, sip hot chocolate.. read comic book.. wahh so nice.. hehee~
phia phia going to sydney on thurs le.. so fast.. poor mi cant even go along *sob* wud be nice to take a break and disappear from this busy life for a while..
ok ok.. gotta stop hoping and dreaming so much...
i shall be vewi motivated to work vewi vewi hard... gotta start planning how im gonna complete everything on time le.. *bleh*
looks like i still wun able to rest after 20th ... ~~
oh.. mi still so crappy!!! been like tat all week... lol~ ;)
nites...
****************************************
if one star will fall everytime i miss u,
all the stars should be out of the sky now.....
so if ever there is no stars in the sky,
its all your fault....
u made mi miss u...
****************************************
*~everything happens for a reason...~*
sometimes we wunder why we hafta go thru so much to learn so little..
but however little we learn, its kinda a process that's inevitable..
its thru the lil things tat we learn abt pple.. sometimes u learn abt smth less pleasant but we juz hafta accept... *sad facts of life*
heard the rain's gonna last for 3 days.. how can tat be!! :P it has put the world into total darkness.. and alot of pple into cranky moods.. hahaa~
let the sunlight shine thru the clouds tmr... and it shall be a happy day! ^-^
ohh.. i suddenly wanna play bball!!~ how.. !!~
hmm.. yesterdae minmin said she was glad mi got a livejournal.. how true actualli... we hardly got time to meet up.. *mi fault*.. heh.. but after report due will meet yah!~ :D still got her bday present wif mi.. hahaa a mth liao.. *oops* but livejournal is GOOD! cos at least we're constantly updated with wats going on in each others' lives... yay!~
im so crappy
ohh so crappy~~
i better stop.. heh.. ;D~
*~What If....~*
hmm.... i dunno wat got into mi aso.. was still tokkin to fren when crossing the road i din even bother to check out the oncoming cars... after i said "byebye" i juz continued to walk... i think if not for aaron i mite haf .... :~(
how many times le.. last time i think during JC days zy muz haf saved mi twice.. and countless other times i've been scolded by other frens...
i often wundered what if i were to get into some major accident, whether tat was the best way to know who are the ones tat realli care abt mi .. but when it almost happened i was onli super stunned and felt breathless for a while...
*sigh*
waahh.. its so late now.. 3:27 am.. hehee... i thot i finished mi fyp coding le.. but still got a little bit more to go.. dunno whether i shud juz go ahead wif the report.. i think i juz might.. hehee... ;D
looks like this entry will end here.. not in a vewi thoughtful mood tonite.. hehee ;)
*~ remembering those days ~*
finally did smth to revamp mi journal.. hehee~ ;)
i sang wif xiao feng todae.. kinda messed up cos we both couldnt hear zhiwei play the keyboard loud enuff and missed all the queues.. hahaa... its so odd.. we juz had to mess up on the actual day.. why.. oh why.... :(
remembering how during JC2 i went to chiangmai wif mi jc frens.. for community service and i got vewi sick on the day we were supposed to perform for the hosting school... but somehow when it came to mi grp's turn to sing, i felt FINE suddenly and pulled thru the 2 songs we had... and collapsed right after tat.. hahaa.. i remember the fren who accompanied mi at the hospital tat day saying tat sometimes cos there are things we value as vewi important so our mental strength will push us on.. and at that moment i guess it was wat had kept mi going...
hope tat same strength can keep mi going this time... *ganbatte ne!!*
hahaa it seems like all mi old memories will keep comin back to mi each time i log mi journal... kinda cool huh.. :)
~* make it go away...*~
all that emotions kept inside it juz feels vewi terrible..
it doesnt even help by screaming with the singer in the song... :(
was so tired physically and emotionally.. i juz needa let it out.. but after much trying, after wiping like 2 teardrops, i fell asleep..
i wunder how long i can keep wearing that "all smiles all day" mask...
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended too soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed
In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry
The moment that I saw you cry
It was late in september
And I've seen you before (and you were)
You were always the cold one
But i was never that sure
You were all by yourself
Staring at a dark gray sky
I was changed
In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry
I wanted to hold you
i wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, all right....
I'll always remember...
It was late afternoon...
In places no one would find...
In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry
one tiring day....
wow its been a realli tiring day.. woke up at 830!!! its been forever since i woke up so earli! :P
it was the hall "sports day" todae.. kinda nice to relive tat kinda frenly sports games wif ur frens in ur team and opponent teams.. ahhaa
i started sucky at frisbee.. but remembered the times in primary sch when we went to the beach for some class excursion (of cos our teachers took us there) we wud always haf a few games of frisbee (the baseball way). today we had it the touch rugby way.. hahaa but it was fun altho shihui commented on mi "nice posture" when catching tat flying saucer!! *bleh*
then we played volleyball and i realli muz admit i cant make it in this sport.. hahaa now mi arms are swollen.. it was hurting so bad i tried playing wif mi palm.. so even mi palm is swollen.. makes typing so difficult now.. :~(
but captain's ball was a breeze... guess mi team was too strong.. *unfair* but it was alot of fun cos winning and losing realli doesnt matter so much does it? ;D
was juz thinkin abt other stuff... abt frens, abt communicating wif frens... some pple juz click off wif mi, like recently i've gotta know shihui(from hall acapella), we juz hit it off like some long term frens.. its kinda cool :)
hehee spoke to jolene abt it and she said i can communicate wif anybody anywaes.. hehee tats a cool compliment but its not realli tat case now is it... its takes alot of effort to build a true frenship.. so those frens that share alot wif mi.. i realli appreciate it.. if ever i have no time for u, pls know im still thinkin of you and want u to be happy.... *hugs*
*rub mi sore arms...*
juz to add more stuff for todae.. hehee guess wat! i actualli met yongli todae!! its again another qiao thing yeah! i went off to sch to meet mi sup.. was rushing back to hall for volleyball, then saw a guy walk towards canteen 2... juz had this weird feeling of familiarity... i guess he did too but i din dare to stop to ask so juz continued wif mi rush.. hahaa but juz now i asked him if he was in hall todae.. and he said he thot he saw mi too at the same path towards canteen 2... issit possible sometimes pple are realli connected somehow?
im lookin forward to knowing him better ne~ ^-^
*still rubbing mi sore arms now wif yoko yoko...* ahh!! its so hot!!!
i think mi arms look realli sad now.. :(
*~~~its all coming back to me ~~~*
~*embracing all the pains tat are to come....*~
somethings are juz nvr meant to be urs and u lose them..
even if u find it back, u will lose it again~
i lost mi nice nice bracelet TWICE!! and i thot tats it!! but guess wat! 2 mths later~~ mi mom comes to mi and says, "i think this is urs" and she cant remember where she found it!! but i lost it when i was trying on clothes before chinese new yr!
its got my favourite element (sTaRs) on it~~ made mi soooo happy!! heh~
todae was horrible.. did nothing.. spent a lot of time at lab and could onli keep getting stuck.. wat could be worse than going without lunch, stuck in lab and getting notthing solved and driven out of lab by the technician!!
then actualli i was quite disappointed wif a fren..
but luckily there are aso those frens that are always there whether u are happy or sad.. trying to ease the soreness of this painful day before i go to bed...
xiaodi, i know u read mi journals now and muz tell u how i really appreciate u tokkin to mi everyday no matter how little..
and no matter how busy and shack i am, i still welcome the little crappy chats we haf ^-^
i shall change mi mood while logging this journal! haha as i look forward to going to bed, im excited abt singing wif sim feng tomorrow!! we havent tried it officially yet to come and think abt it!! not to forget, our vewi kind keyboardist zhiwei had spent so much time (actualli hes too much a tensai to even need spend a few minutes) to figure out our song's weird chords.. hahaa!
tmr when i wake up in the morning, it shall be bright and sunny ^-^
i shall be a happy gal!
*hug my journal* :D